Dust and Rain

  Dust swirled.  It reminded me of our hearts.  Dry. Weary.  A failing of such promise.  A spring with no rain following a winter without snow.  Hot holy week.  The soil scorched like our hearts.  The rivers had no winter melt surge.  Sounds like our lives.  Sounds like my life.  Where is the promise?  The failures, the foibles. Call them what they are: SIN.  Sin everywhere.  Wreaking havoc.   Destroying relationships.  I feel the crust forming.
The battle with bitterness.  
The battle with self-love. 
The battle with self-righteousness.
One battle that I find so hard to fight.   I feel I fall from bitterness to self-righteousness to self-love to .... 

For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate...  So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand.  For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against my members.  

This near daily struggle.  I have a brother that hates me.   I pause to even mention it because I do not trust my heart on this matter.  It has been years in the making.  Years in the playing out.  I tire...
Season pass.  I think my heart is healed.  Relationship no.  Heart yes.  Then recently day after day. Waves returned by three fingered "read between the lines".  The gut wrenches.  Even as I write.  A hello returned with in days by being almost driven off the road.  Recently these things have escalated.  The dust was blowing across the growing bareness of my heart.  Bitterness and self-righteousness rearing their ugly heads. 

Wretched man that I am!  Who will deliver me from this body of death?  Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!

Our great weekend of hope.  Christ's victory! The cross!!! The empty grave!!!
The rains started falling...

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.  For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do.  By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

 And fell all week.  A specific timely encounter and my heart is before my eyes.   And Christ's reign is on my heart.

[Walk] according to the Spirit...those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit...To set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace...But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness.  If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you."

 So, I run to the Word.  Repentance.  Romans. The rain falls...soft and long. And I recall...

The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children then heirs-heirs of God, and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.
-Romans 7-8

Thank you Lord for...

220.  The beauty of chlorophyll.

221.  The beauty of chlorophyll and sunshine at work after warm rains.

222.  That Christ doesn't leave us to our own devices and efforts.

223.   miles and miles of safe, fun travel with my peeps.

224.   grace.  Without we would have nothing good.

225.  predominantly healthy cattle through the calving season so far.

226.  fat, lazy, friendly dogs.

227.  those who are the front lines giving their lives for the Gospel

228.  being able to watch my son grow.

229.  the crack of dawn at 6:00am

230.  birds praising their maker each dawn.

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For what?

The amassing of wealth.  Building security.  Creating comfort.  Getting a name. Glory for one's self.  Getting a good return.  Living in comfort.  Creating the world we always wanted.  Spending one's self on behalf of the King.  Creating Jobs. Using the talents we have been given to get a good return.

What is our ambition? With what are we wrapped?  What do we want in this short life?  What to consume our years?

Questions swirl.  Frustrations ebb and flow.  Those lead to a breaking point and once again we are at the cross.  From where does our hope come from.

For God has consigned all to disobedience, that he may have mercy on all.
Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God!  How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! 
For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor? Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?
For from him and through him and to him are all things.  To him be glory forever, Amen.
...Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect...
I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think... For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ... Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us...
Let love be genuine.  Abhor what is evil;  hold fast to what is good.  Love one another with brotherly affection.  Outdo one another in showing honor.  Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. 
Romans 11

At the cross we are equal.  All desperate.  All dead in our transgressions.
Because of the new life in Christ we are all equal.  All with gifts. 
Why do hands and feet and heads and ears squabble?  Why do we strive to exalt ourselves as if we needed no other and were made for no other.
Forgive us Lord.  Forgive me Lord. 
By grace Lord make our love genuine.
Teach us to hate evil with the same hatred you have for it.
Teach us to outdo each other in honor.
Living in harmony with one another.

Be constant in prayer.

Teach us to pursue a holy ambition.  Spurring each other on in good works to you. Spending ourselves for the King and his Kingdom.  There will be our greatest Joy:  Jesus our Risen Saviour!
 Only you!

All only for your Glory!

Keep me from idols

My heart burns with hatred! Oh Lord!
Not of you and your magnificence.
Hatred of Sin!

The fear of the Lord is hatred of evil. 

Pride and arrogance and the way of evil and perverted speech I hate.  

Proverbs 8:13

With you there is only light,

with you only pure holiness and justice.

You can abide no evil.

You rage at unjust scales.

Your wrath is made ready,

the bowl about to pour,

man's sins about to receive rightful response.

The thrusting out into thick darkness,

distress and darkness,

the worm that never dies,

the fire forever full of lust.

Make ready your Glory Oh Lord!

Make it known through out the earth!

Who is holy, who is righteous!

The Lord Great and Mighty!

Mighty to save....

The Lord who holds out his hand of redemption.

The Lord who alone changes hearts.

The Lord the Savior of the lost.

The heart is an idol factory.

You give good gifts. 
Let not them be gods to me.

Let not my trust be in them.

Only let me be secure in you.

Only let me be strong in your might.

Only let me glory in your power.

Only let me find hope in you.

For only you are secure.

Only you are strong.

Only All things are from you

Only All things are  through you

Only All things are to you

All glory be to you oh Lord! Romans 11:36

Jesus, Oh Lord most Joyous! 

Be more beautiful to my imagination,

Be more attractive to my heart,

than any idol!

Let me not leave the giver to embrace the gift!

With your plentiful redemption there is abundant joy!

Though struggle comes,

though hardship is emminent,

though my wisdom will fail,

though my strength will give in the moment I need most,

we hope in you, 

for at this moment you and your grace shine all the brighter!

Then it is evident that you have held me all along.  

Strip me bare of idols Lord.

Use me to expose those of my culture.

Teach me to hate sin in my heart.

To hate sin around me as you hate it.

To hate sin with a love that reflects your love of your Glory!

Your love of your creation undistorted, 

your mercy on creation distorted.

Root out my idols.

Dig deep. 
Plow hard.

Remove all roots.

Replace all with Love for you that they may not return.

Increase my affections for you.

The Lord of Hosts, him you shall honor as holy.

Let him be your fear, and let him be your dread.

And he will become a sanctuary and a stone of offense

and a rock of stumbling...

The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light;

...you have increased its joy;

they rejoice before you...

For to us a child is born, 

to us a son is given;

and the government shall be upon his shoulder,

and his name shall be called

Wonderful Counselor,

Mighty God,

Everlasting Father,

Prince of Peace.

Of the increase of his government and of peace there will be no end,

on the throne of David and over his kingdom,

to establish it and to uphold it

with justice and with righteousness

from this time forth and forevermore.

The zeal of the LORD of hosts will do this.

Isaiah 8-9

Keep us from idols.

Keep me from idols.

Do your work.
In my solitude, let it be you and you alone.

Let me not inwardly establish myself as "saviour"

Only you Lord! Only Jesus has satisfied Your righteous

requirement.

Only Jesus!

Amen

Frost on a Sabbath, on my heart?

Hours roll by and bodies tire. Sleepless nights compound and the sin nature lurks to rule unabated. How often the tongue lies in wait ready to strike. Morning comes early. As milk pours forth the mouth is silent. Mostly. But the mind is churning. Hard freezes bring edgy pasture days. Bloat comes easy to the unsuspecting. Cattle graze not knowing of danger in every bite. The mind keeps churning. Will this year be different than others? Have we learned from mistakes, or like our nature do we keep rehearsing that which we soon regret. Can we repent? Turn away? Do that which we have not always done. Walk a different road? Cattle are restless. Do they know what has changed? Bull menaces. The tongue utters challenge. Reminds of supremacy. Analogies come to mind. How much my heart is in tune with Bull. Demanding attention. Challenging my master. "My way!" "My time!" "My family!" The list is long. I am reminded
My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives. " Thank you Lord, your kindness leads us to repentance. I should have remembered the verses that predicated both, but I do not.
Moment passes and I am again working. Time is running hard and I am not. Will I be on time for the gathering of the body of believers for Worship? My mind again begins to churn.
I should have continued praising. In that moment the freshly rising Sun was in my stead, doing my delightful duty of praise.
Frozen mud flying, bitter wind biting at my hands I ride to barn. Are the others done? Yes, barely except one, he is already gone. My heart begins to overflow. Phone in hand my tongue becomes a world of evil, salt water flows fast. An ill spoken response catches me. Deed done, heart sick I go on, later than ever. My mind now a hurricane of spite and malice, yet light dawns mirroring the sun.
Self righteousness is seen for its hideous self.

Luke 5:32 I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.

I am broken. Lord you are my righteousness, I am a sinner.

Therefor you have no excuse, O man, everyone of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things. We know that the judgment of God rightly falls on those who practice such things. Do you suppose, O man -you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself - that you will escape the judgment of God? Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance? Romans 2:1-4

Lord thank you for your kindness. Forgive me.

2 Coringthians 7:10
For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.

Thank you Lord for enduring such hostility from us, for being so patient.

Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding you r blood. And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?

"My son, do not regard ligtly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives."

Lord, because you you we have hope. Give me a repentant heart.

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong and perfect plea,
a great High Priest whose name is Love,
who ever lives and pleads for me.
My name is graven on his hands,
my name is written on his heart;
I know that while in heav'n he stands
no tongue can bid me thence depart,
no tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to dispair,
and tells me of the guilt within,
upward I look and see Him there,
who made an end of all my sin.
Because the sinless Savior died,
my sinful soul is counted free;
for God, the Just, is satisfied
to look on Him and pardon me,
to look on Him and pardon me.

Behold Him there! the risen Lamb,
my perfect spotless Righteousness,
the great unchangeable I AM,
the King of Glory and of grace!
One with Himself I cannot die,
my soul is purchased by His blood;
my life is hid with Christ on high,
with Christ, my Savior and my God,
with Christ, my Savior and my God.
-Charitie L. Bancroft